the best description i have heard from the doctors re the medication (dex amphetamine) is that if you imagine my brain as a computer, the processor is powerful and fast (lots of information and ideas) but it was accessing enough RAM to let it finish its transfer of the information fast enough.
the dex amphetamine unlocks more RAM in my brain, so to speak, and allows more information to flow.
the interesting thing has been hearing from a complete stranger a fairly accurate description of my life!!!
the part that i was very interested about was that the doctor told me that when my brain hasnt had enough RAM (again so to speak) that it cannot store most of the information for long periods of time and it is discarded (again using the computer analogy) and after a period of time the information is put into my trash basket.
it has been quite hard listening to these ideas and not immediately using it as an excuse for my lack of concentration and also general hopelessness which has been a fairly big issue for me, but it certainly makes things a little more clear.
the dr also (without knowing anything about me) ventured a guess that i would have undertaken a lot of different business ventures and had a variety of results from success through to out and out failures..
the research he has been doing (he specialises in adult adhd/add..and is thought to be pretty much the foremost in his field in australia) is that this is very common with ADD sufferers.
basically i have been diagnosed with fairly severe ADD (in his opinion about as severe as it actually can be. clinical ADD kicks in at around 70 on the scale they use and mine is upwards of 90-95) which is weird to hear from someone, when you have always considered that you are basically functioning as you assume everyone else does.
he also explained that because there is so much information being processed and thrown around in my brain, that it takes up actual energy to do this, and this is part of the reason that i get fairly run down towards the end of the day. its like my batteries are being drained more than they should be.
because the dex (hopefully) assists with this, it may well mean a little more energy for me at the end of the day.
the oddest thing about all of this is that they are giving me stimulants which thus far has actually helped with my sleep!!
ok so the test results...
the two graphs below are from a CAARS test which is used to determine what level (if any) of ADD/ADHD someone has.
in the ADD section (which is EFG) i am pretty damn tooting! the CAARS observer has been filled out by my wife and Carmela (who manages Alibi) the two people who i guess spend the most time observing my behaviour.
the self profile one was obviously from my own mind tank. you (or the observers) fill out a questionaire (see last blog posting) and this then forms the graph.
the other test is a Progressive Matrices test which forms part of an IQ test. i scored in the top 1%. i actually got the highest score the psychiatrist had seen in his practice (genius....see i told you all..now i have proof!)
the effect of the dex is pretty dramatic and very quick. literally within around 45mins it is like a basic calmness comes over my brain.
pretty much everyone i know (with the exception of bec and a couple of staff) have called bullshit on this in some form or another. i think a part of this is the fact that i get through day to day life pretty well, so from the outside it wouldnt appear that there is many problems. add to this the fact that i have been prescribed speed...which doesnt seem like it would do anything but make me more hyper.
what a lot of people dont understand is the massive amount of ideas that my brain produces every day. fucking thousands and thousands of little spits of energy, which is great because i have always thrived on doing new things at a million miles and hour, but this has also landed me on my arse pretty hard from time to time as well.
even just little day to day things, like driving past hotels where i am staying, missing turn offs to streets i a meant to go down...
the description the dr gave me (above) about the RAM and the computer seems very accurate at this point.
my thinking is quite clear. my energy levels are better. i am sleeping much better.
i dont seem to have lost any of the ideas that are flowing, they just seem to be flowing at a more steady and consistent rate and i seem to be able to file them a little better as well.
